Finding the right therapist
So you’re here on my practice’s website, and I’ve spent a lot of time on this space marketing myself and why I think I’m qualified to work with you, but in this post I want to speak to you if you’re getting the sense that I’m simply not the right fit for you.
Therapy is a really vulnerable space. It requires you to be open to things you don’t yet know about yourself, to accept parts of yourself that feel really challenging, to show yourself kindness that can feel very unsettling. You need a therapist you can trust, who you feel safe being challenged with, who you can believe when they say difficult things. If you don’t have that, therapy simply isn’t going to work.
So let’s talk about the journey to get to that magical place.
You’re going to need to ask yourself a series of questions. The first is what type of provider and what type of services you are looking for. The alphabet soup of provider types can be overwhelming, but you can boil them down to two broad categories of providers: those that prescribe and manage medication, and those that provide talk therapy in different forms. There are some prescribers who engage in talk therapy as well, but largely the categories are distinct. Within them, you’ll find that providers have differences in experience, education, and specialization that impact the way that they work. Knowing what level of care you need can be complicated, but it will become more clear the more able you are to be honest with yourself about where you are and what it feels like you need the most. Many mental health providers treat a wide spectrum of conditions, and for many, simply figuring out who they have rapport with is the key to finding the right fit. For many others, however, a specialized focus is important to saving them time, money, and pain. I, myself, feel very comfortable working with people dealing with a range of issues stemming from depression, anxiety, and relationship issues and have particular experience working with cultural issues around South Asian identities, but would likely refer you to find someone with more experience and training if you shared that your primary goals were to work on eating patterns or sleep apnea, to name a few.
You may need to be open to the idea of seeing more than one provider if you’re interested in both medication and therapy. to see more than one mental health provider. For example, you may need to see a psychiatrist to manage medication and a psychologist or another mental health provider for counseling.
To add to the levels of complexity, in addition to many different levels of providers, there are many different forms and approaches to therapy. Many providers describe themselves as
integrative or eclectic as well, and will offer some information about their style on their website, that you can read to build a sense of what resonates with you, your experience, and what you are looking for. Don’t hesitate to ask questions, but also try not to be overwhelmed if you don’t know exactly what you’re looking for. Remember that many providers offer free consultations. Ethical practice for all of these providers encourages them to practice within the bounds of their expertise, so a good provider will help you understand what you are looking for, and make referrals where appropriate. Like I’ve shared before, rapport is of the utmost importance when seeking mental health services, so be open to continuing your search until you are able to find someone who you feel understands you and can show how they hope to help you get where you would like to. Ask a lot of questions and try to assess if you will be able to establish a warm relationship with your provider - that is the key to getting the most out of your treatment.
One of the most common questions that I hear is, “do I need a therapist from the same cultural/religious/gender/sexuatlity/etc background from me?”
From a therapeutic perspective, I want to be very clear - without any exceptions, what you need the most is someone QUALIFIED to provide you the services you are seeking. Given options, however, it is important to assess what will make you feel comfortable to engage in the vulnerability required in therapy. Keep in mind that most mental health professionals are trained to be open and sensitive to all of a clients needs, whether or not they share background, though it is also true that this doesn’t always translate to true competence. Ask questions, be honest with yourself and also with the provider, and make sure that the place you land is safe, non-judgmental, and comfortable.
